Mystical Depression

A condition in which your interior world has assumed an authority in your perceptual field that you have no mature relationship with. So you’re responding to spiritual signals. You begin to lose a relationship to the world in which the world is the primary other. The primary other becomes an interior space that has no clarity to it. You are looking to find, on your inside, the same security anchorage you had on your outside, but failing to get those. You cannot get those. And you feel sad and disoriented and fearful. Specifically you fear for your physical survival. It strikes at the level of one of the deepest instincts, it begins to disorient the instinctual self. You want God or the divine to come to your rescue at a physical life survival level. When in fact that is not the invocation that will get the Gods to come to you.

The answer is surrender. It’s the point of saying whatever it is that is on the Earth I shall be safe as you direct me. Even if that safety means “I will be safe in my hunger, I will be safe in my cold, I will be safe without a roof” if that is where you are leading me. But you don’t have the faith because intuition is not a matter of faith in the way our culture has defined it. We don’t talk about faith and intuition do we? We talk about feeling that we are very spiritual because we are intuitive, we have turned intuitive development into a religion, into a spiritual path which it is not. It is a by-product of something.

Mysticism is the spiritual path. When you have not prepared for the surrender moment, this is where the Spiritual Director comes in, more than a Teacher, it’s a Director. “I must prepare you to surrender”. You just don’t do that because you have a bottle of alcohol in you and you finally surrender. The choice to consciously surrender to reach a point where your intuition has led you to your spirit. When your intuition has led you to a point where you realise “It’s not my voice I want to hear anymore, I want this transcendent life”. It’s at that point where ‘conscious surrender’ says “I now will live according to your commands that will make no sense on the physical world. In between, my intuitive skill will serve me as my voice to discern your commands”. Clarissa Pinkola Estes and Caroline Myss

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